WHERE ARE THE ROYAL FAMILY?

The Queen, Prince Consort, and their children. – image courtesy of fanpop.com

Rumors have abounded as to the whereabouts of the Royal Family. In May, they were reported to have been removed to a “remote country location” along with members of the Parliament. Our correspondent has since discovered that was not entirely true. Certainly the Royals and MPs were in a remote country location for a brief time but only while preparations were made to relocate them to a more secure place.

Our inquiry agents have been following up on this story as the safety of the government is of vital interest to all citizens of the British Empire.

Apparently various locations were considered, among them either India and Australia.

Thuggee assassination of a pro British Rajah. – image courtesy of personal.umich.edu

India was ruled out due to general sectarian unrest and more particularly, the resurgence of the cult of Thuggee. The military and civilian authorities of the East India Company felt that the safety of the Royal Family and the government could not be assured. Rumors of Russian agitation along the Northwest Frontier have seen marauding bands of Pathan ranging deep into the Indus headwaters area.

Since little is known about the indigenous peoples of Australia or their lore, and due to their retreat into the interior, speculation ran high that Australia might prove a sufficiently secure location. Grave concerns about the transit across the seas was expressed due to the appearance of Krakens and other sea dwelling monsters from across the Bridge. The voyage was considered to be risky even for the ironclads HMS Warrior and HMS Black Prince.

The ironclad steam warship HMS Warrior. – image courtesy of Wikipedia.com

The plan to relocate the imperial government to that continent were scrubbed due to the arrival of news that confirmed sightings of the aboriginal creature known as the bunyip. For the edification of our readers not familiar with the wilderness continent of Australia, the bunyip is a fearsome swamp and water dwelling beast capable of snatching adult men and crushing them between its powerful jaws.

A final decision was made to risk an Atlantic crossing and temporarily  relocate the Imperial seat of power to the Dominion of New Georgia. Since the suppression of the rebellion and the reconquest of the so called United States of America, that dominion has proven to be a peaceful and secure member of the realm. Some initial insurgent activity occurred, particularly in the southern shires, but that was suppressed fairly shortly after the reestablishment of British rule. Most notably, there have been precious few reports of Bridge creature activity in the British areas of the northern continent.  Such bridge creatures as have appeared seem to be confined to the waters off the coastal shires or located much further south in the Franco-Spanish holdings of Mexico.

The legendary Australian aboriginal beast Bunyip crushing its victim to death. – image courtesy of Wikipedia.com

Beyond this information, there are no details available as to when this temporary relocation of the government will occur, if indeed it has not already done so. Certainly, the security of the government and Royal Family is paramount to us all. While the attempted assassination of a Monarch or even a whole government is not unheard of, one would like to think in this time of worldwide crisis, we all have more important issues to deal with than the squabbles between empires. Truly, if we do not join forces with our former antagonists in Napoleonic Europe and Russia, we may find that we are to be replaced by mindless brutes from another universe as the dominant species on this Earth.

WORLD WIDE DESTUCTION

Editorial review from The Times – Reports of destruction and devastation are flooding in from around Europe. Creatures, long thought to be the fabrications of superstitious minds have suddenly appeared with dire results. This Paper wishes to know – why?

Artist’s rendition of one of the gargouilles incarné — image courtesy of charcoal-almighty.deviantart.com

In France, the imperial government has mobilized the Garde Nationale in an effort to protect its citizens from creatures it describes as “gargouilles incarné”. Reports from refugees confirm attacks by huge creatures with wings that resemble the famous statuary adorning the roof of Notre Dame de Paris. The beasts are said to be attacking livestock and gorging themselves on the carcasses. Rumors of similar attacks on humans are rife but, as yet, unconfirmed.

Reports of troll like creatures wreaking havoc throughout the mining areas of the German and central European states continue to filter in. It appears that several of the deeper shafts have been flooded and scores of miners who sought shelter there drowned when the beasts destroyed the sump pumps used to remove the excess ground water. The seemingly  inexplicable rampage appears to have some goal to it. Side galleries, long since abandoned are being excavated by the trolls. They seem to be searching for something and, with each fruitless effort, their savagery toward the surrounding communities increases. Gruesome tales of child abduction and slaughter abound.

Russian artistic rendition of a bukavac attacking a fisherman at night — image courtesy of phantos.deviantart.com

Further east in the Russian Empire, there are reports of ancient beasts from Slavic mythology reappearing. Fishermen on the Black Sea have been attacked by bukavacs, giant, gnarly horned creatures that crush their human prey to death. Apparently, the bukavac prefers to attack in the dead of night. Entire fishing villages have been reportedly devastated as the creatures make their way up through the Dnieper River basin. One unofficial report comes from Zaporizhia, some 300 kilometers from where the Dnieper empties into the Black Sea.

Communications with the Empire at large have been spotty. A British sailor, recovered on a raft off the coast of Iberia reported that his ship had been seized, without warning, by a giant sea creature he described as a ‘kraken’.  Mail packets, merchant men, and even Her Majesty’s warships are all rumored to be overdue. Tales of unspeakable terrors are rife along the south coast, spread by those mariners who have returned. The Prime Minister has vowed a thorough investigation into the claims.

On that front, the Prime Minister had come under increasing attack from the newer ‘Conservative’ members of Parliament as well as from the Church of England. It is believed that the Whig support for a more Nonconformist and commercial approach to questions of science and technology may be at the root of the current difficulties.  While, as yet unconfirmed, there are rumors that Charles Babbage and his team of ‘energy experimenters’ may have played some part in the appearance of these creatures and the unusual celestial events we have been witnessing. A veil of secrecy has been drawn over their activities. This has led to demands by social and religious conservatives that the entire affair be laid bare and that the nation dedicate itself to eradicating this scourge.

Imperial French Garde Nationale troops mobilized to meet the crisis — image courtesy of shutterstock.com

As yet, no foreign governments have laid accusations of  responsibility for this terror at the doorstep of Her Britannic Majesty’s government. In what appears to be an effort to forestall such embarrassment occurring, the Prime Minister has called upon representatives of the Imperial French and Russian governments, the Austro Hungarian monarchy, and the German principalities to join with us in a unified effort to address the current world wide crisis. If successful, this grand coalition may herald a new era of peace and cooperation, providing that is, that we survive the depredations of these horrible, and as yet, unstoppable beasts who have invaded our world.